Welcome to: The Berlin Files

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!

There are only so many creative ways I can say that I’ve moved to Berlin to write full time. The move is about 89% complete - geographically, I am in Germany. Spiritually I am in a constant state of yearning for Brazil. Residentially, I am still tragically stuck in the UK for confusing reasons I may one day explain when it can no longer bite me in the ass.

The point is, now I’m here and I have shit to say! Welcome to The Berlin Files, which will not be a touristy documentation of the ten best brunch spots or a weird expat-y love fest about England and everything Germany gets wrong. Unless I’m really running out of ideas. No, TBF will document the experience of moving oversees as a writer and all the experiences and adventures that come with that. To be fair, it may have that touristy whiff of romanticism because I can’t really pretend like I’m a local - I can barely order a coffee. I’ll write about things I see, what I do, how I feel, events I’m lucky enough to stumble into - such as the take back the night march that involved smoke bombs, extremely well-organised chanting and the heaviest police presence I have ever seen (what the fuck).

The vibes are strong here

Upcoming topics may or may not include:

• Walpurgisnacht - also known as Witches’ Night

• Good things I see from the balcony

• Men and Babies (A Good, Nice Thing!)

• Why the fuck is Leffe so delicious here?

• Reasons why I can’t be an anarchist

• The Time I Hovered Awkwardly Outside A Coffee Shop Whilst My Partner Convinced Someone To Rent Us An Apartment

• I arrived in April with 3 bikinis and no jumpers like a fucking moron

• How to move abroad - bad advice

I don’t have a full time job anymore - all my money is going to have to be generated from my writing. That means I can’t give it all away for free anymore.

The Berlin Files is going to come fortnightly on Wednesdays (it will replace some of my previous free content, so don’t worry you’re rarely ever getting more than 1 newsletter a week) and will remain FREE for a SHORT TIME ONLY. A few months. The it goes behind the secret paywall and yes, I’ll be asking for your pennies. Prices will remain as low as Substack will allow - not because I don’t value my own writing, but because I myself pay a subscription to some of my favourite writers and podcasters and can only afford to support more than one because they keep the prices low.

If you want to support me, I would be genuinely, stunningly grateful. You can pledge your support (ie agree to subscribe when I do set up a paywall) or you can just wait and see if this content is for you - that is very fair. I will just add that writers are dependent on our readers for many forms of support. Not all of it is financial but realistically, some of it needs to be. All of it is immensely valuable. I continue to be deeply appreciate of whichever kind you choose to give me.

See you next Wednesday for a post about the 10pm phone call that put this whole thing into motion.

A quick favour. I love writing these posts, and I intend to do them for free for as long as I can. If you enjoyed reading this, forward it to a friend (or three) who you think might like it too. It helps massively, because validation from strangers is truly the only thing that makes the horrors bearable for me.

PS: If you spotted a typo, no you didn’t.