Here, some pitiful reasons why I can't be an anarchist
it's the soft life for me
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Guten Morgen, readers and enemies. I am back from a trip to the weirdest country in the world (America) and am therefore jet-lagged, befreckled and full of creamer (not a euphemism). This week’s post will have a lighter touch - by which I mean it is essentially a list of why I am too soft for the anarchist life.
Anarchist groups exist on the fringe of socio-political society. The concept has been around since the ancient Greeks (anarchos is the ancient Greek term for ‘without rulers’), even though it’s a post-French Revolution movement. One of the founding pillars of anarchist ideology was a French guy named Pierre-Joseph Proudhon, who envisioned anarchism as the most rational way to organise society. To him and other pioneers, anarchy meant an economy based on mutual interests, not profit, a labour market fully controlled by labourers (so, unions). In short, a classless society that was based on mutual aid, and the removal of absolute power from the state. In theory it sounds great - but like all political movements, the anarchist world is prone to disagreement over everything from the incorporation of Marxist beliefs to whether or not liberation can only be achieved through violence. It’s messy because humans are messy, but the good and bad thing about movements based on radicalism is that there is generally a lot of room to explore and expand on ideas for how we should all live. There’s even a feminist overlap, known as anarcha-feminism, which established itself becuase, like always, the men obsessing over freedom were either unwilling or unable to conceptualise what this might look like for women. Proudhon was also a homophobic misogynist, fyi, because we can’t have nice things.
Germany obviously has a very intense history of extreme political ideology, which includes anarchism. Whilst researching this piece, I came across a fascinating article in the Boston Review by Paul Hockenos, documenting the brief, utopian anarchist years immediately after the fall of the Berlin wall, and the political uprisings that led to it. Activists and organisers who’d successfully protested against the GDR leadership hoped that the fall of the wall would pave the way for a self-governing East Berlin - one that remained firmly committed to left-wing values, but fostered democratic principles. Activists occupied abandoned building in the working class district of Friedrichshain and declared themselves squatters, often joining in solidarity with West German activists and other left-wing groups across Berlin.
A large part of activist political organising revolved around defending youth centres and squatted houses, as both West and East German authorities regarding squatting as inherently subversive. To the centre-right, squatting was an undermining of one of capitalism’s central pillars - private property ownership. To the authoritarian left, squatting was a symbol of defiance. The squatters were particularly hostile towards neo-Nazism, and this strand of antifascist policies is still part of anarchist culture in Berlin.
The movement is still going strong today, with squatting houses, anti-capitalist protests and organised resistance against gentrification. We live in Friedrichshain - just down the road from an anarchist house, an entire building covered in graffiti and political slogans telling Nazis to fuck off. There are vintage markets, self-organised swap-meets where people can exchange clothing, goods and services, graffiti art and trans-inclusive slogans nestled among independent bookstores and feminist sex shops. I love, love our neighbourhood, even if it’s also in part becuase of gentrification (I’m a sell out for imported fruit). Anarchism has its fingerprints all over our street. The first night my partner and I moved into our flat, the local anarchist bar began blasting out a deeply confusing setlist at one am. The bar was around the corner, but the speakers were so powerful it might as well have been in our own living room. By half two, we’d moved from a state of bewilderment and exhaustion to hysteria as the music got weirder and weirder, culminating in what sounded like the start of an alien invasion - before things suddenly went quiet.
That was me filming at two a.m ish, cry-laughing my way to sleep. Which brings me neatly to the point - I’m not built for the anarchist life, I’m really not. I wish I had it in me, becuase I deeply admire anyone who can commit to radical anti-hierarchy, collective freedom and mutual aid. Those are values I try to live by, but also ones that inevitably bump up against other realities of life. Like the fact that I actually really hate noise, and I like material possessions way too much (I’m working on it) and I am pretty territorial of my space and who’s allowed to be in it.
Reasons why I’d be a terrible anarchist
I get angry when people sit on my bed - especially my pillow - with their outside clothes. What the fuck are you doing?
I actually like being in charge of stuff (until it gets boring)
If it’s not me, I simply must know who is in charge so I can whine about them/make them my enemy
I’m scared of the secret police on the train so I always buy a ticket
If someone yells at me, I start crying
I have such poor sleep quality that I become quasi-dictatorial when it comes to noise at bedtime. I have been known to get angry at my partner for merely turning over in bed
Speaking of sleep…I need a minimum of two pillows, often three
I’m extremely bad-tempered when cold
I hate sharing bathrooms
I hate the dark but I also hate it when a room is too bright
Sometimes when I’m stressed about the state of the world, I begin to think that a benevolent dictatorship would be quite useful actually, but only if that dictator behaved according to my specific value system
I don’t like it when people talk really loudly for no reason
I get a headache if it’s sunny and I don’t have sunglasses
I need about seven different moisturisers
I actually think it should be illegal to smoke indoors!!!
Taxes are…good? I think? When fair, progressive and used for the good of the people?
Deep down I know I could happily be one of those people who puts their towel in the dryer so it’s toasty and warm when they get out the shower. I don’t own a dryer. But I fear that one day I might
I find people who don’t vote quite annoying, actually. Ditto people who aren’t vaccinated becuase they don’t trust science. Trusting in scientists is surely a form of hierarchy, right?
I don’t trust men at all, like, not at all, so I’m not sure I’d want to be around a lot of them. Maybe they could squat in their own building and I could squat in another?
One of my biggest fears is getting a tooth knocked out. I’m not sure if this is relevant but it feels like useful context.
All this and many, many more reasons why I would immediately get kicked out of the anarchism for beginners group. I’m also suspicious of male-dominated movements, because gender hierarchy is almost inevitable in any ideology or political alignment that fails to consider patriarchy. But it’s mostly because I’m soft (see evidence below).
See you next time for a post about the techno man who plays his techno tunes at all hours of the day.
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