A Succulent Chinese Meal
And two more delicious things
Food and drink recipes are an unusual contribution from me, but as someone said about my blog: it’s unpredictable, but always delivers.
These are good, delicious, non-vegan, non-vegetarian, alcoholic recommendations (sorry) from me. I hate any and all recipes that give you paragraphs of preamble. We’re already at the top of the rollercoaster, so let’s go.
1: The Drink
Ok, you will need a little advance prep for this. I first got this idea when I hit the end of my dulce de leche jar and wanted to scrape every smear of caramel-y deliciousness, and so added fresh coffee + milk (shake shake shake). It was perfect, and if you can do it with coffee you can do it with alcohol.
Gather:
Spirit of choice (I would go for a gin or a vodka, nothing sweet like white rum). Measurements will depend on what kind of day you have had or what kind of evening you would like to have
Jam jar that is empty-but-not-licked-clean. Or any sweet condiment, really. Fruit or caramel based is your best bet
Soda water
Ice
Lemon juice - half a lemon, or a quarter if you’re a coward
Garnish, if you can be bothered. I cannot
Do:
Put that alcohol and lemon into the jar and shake it up real good. Stop when your arms hurt and you’re out of breath
Top with ice
Add soda water
Garnish (idk? mint? who cares?)
Enjoy!
The Starter
This is a decadent yet simple one. Make this for someone you want to impress.
Mushrooms have a tendency to go rubbery if you don’t wash or cook them right. Avoid this by: washing them quickly and thoroughly drying them before cooking, using enough oil - don’t be stingy - and only salting towards the end. If you throw on salt right away, it will just make them watery.
Gather:
A good bread. This is down to preference, is it not? I recommend either a nice challah bread or - if you’re squeamish about soggy insides - a robust, soft sourdough
Spinach
Garlic, diced (to taste, but let’s not fuck about with one clove or two. Tres mÃnimo, por favor)
Double cream
Mushrooms - your choice!
Onion - a nice, fat, white one. Or one big banana shallot, if you’re feeling fancy
salt, pepper, butter, olive oil
italian herbs/herbs you like
Do:
Sauté the mushrooms and onion in butter and olive oil - if you have dried you mushrooms right they will not be watery. Cook on medium to keep tender
Cook until the onions are browned, add minced garlic, herbs, salt and pepper
Add cream and cook until all the seasonings and flavours are blended together - this should only take a few minutes
Meanwhile, add the (DRY) spinach to a separate pan with olive oil and butter, throw in more minced garlic and fry until wilted and deliciously simmered
Toast your bread and, if feeling luxurious, slather on some butter. Heap with mushrooms and spinach and eat with your hands. Get messy with it.
Enjoy x2!
The Main
Honestly just fucking make this dish* if it sounds like the kind of thing you like. It’s the kind of thing I LOVE. It’s juicy, it’s succulent, it’s tender, it’s fit for regulars and conmen alike.
Gather:
Beef strips (NOT diced beef chunks. These will not tenderise)
1 egg
Cornflour (a pinch)
Salt & pepper
rice (cooked whenever and however you cook rice, I don’t police people’s rice choices. BUT Brazilian rice is the best rice, hands down.)
1 white onion
1 spring onion
sesame seeds
1 red chilli (diced)
1 ginger chunk (diced or grated)
3 garlic cloves (minimum. Diced or minced or whatever)
broccoli
cashews (de-shelled)
Gather (sauce edition):
soy sauce
rice vinegar
ketchup
tomato puree
honey
sweet chilli
Do:
Coat beef strips with the egg (beat it first)
Then coat it in cornflour. Not too much, just a nice, even coating. Salt & pepper it
Shallow fry until crispy
Remove from the pan! Set it aside! Leave it alone!
Stir fry your broccos in the same pan
Once they’ve softened a bit, add onion, then the chopped red chilli, then the ginger. Let ‘em simmer. Don’t overcook the broccoli. This will mean different things to different people so I’ll let you be the judge
Add the garlic in at the last moment and give it a minute or two
Once it’s all cooked, remove the broccoli and let it join the beef. Use the same pan for the sauce
Make the sauce by adding all those things I mentioned into the hot pan. Add a splash of water. Honestly, the measurements are up to you. Just don’t overdo any (esp the vinegar & the tomato puree) and you’ll be grand. It’ll taste a little different every time. Isn’t life fun and glorious?
Let all those liquids blend and amalgamate and if it’s too thick add more water and if it’s too watery reduce it until it isn't, and then put beef & broccoli in the pan and cook it for a few minutes until that sauce is nice and T H I C K
Add the spring onion, cook it for a minute longer
Serve with rice and topped with sesame seeds
I realise I never told you when to add the cashews. I will leave this decision up to you
Enjoy x 3!
*Editor’s note - I suspect this is not an authentic Chinese meal. However, it IS a succulent one.
A quick favour. I love writing these posts, and I intend to do them for free for as long as I can. If you enjoyed reading this, forward it to a friend (or three) who you think might like it too. It helps massively, because validation from strangers is truly the only thing that makes the horrors bearable for me.